Let go of the past
by xkuchibeni-no-kokorox
Summary: Zeo is not okay. Toby knows that. He wants to help him kill the demons of the past. But Zeo doesn t let him. [Zeo/Toby]


He screamed until his throat begun to hurt.

At the beginning, when he woke up, his vision was blurred not recognizing Toby who was trying to get a hold of him.

Zeo struggled once he felt hands grabbing his wrists and shoulders to keep him down.

"Zeo, stop. It´s me."

Zeo kept trying to kick Toby off until the words finally reach him. He was being held down by Toby grip on his shoulders; he was sweating and gasping as if he was being suffocated, it took some time for him to breathe normal again.

Once Zeo seem to have calmed down Toby slowly let go of his friend, watching as he sat on the bed and hug himself, burying his face in his knees.

"You are really here, aren´t you Toby?" he asked, his voice trembled like if he was in the verge of crying.

"Yes, I´m here. It was just a nightmare."

It wasn´t the first time.

After what had happen with Ziggurat, everyone had move on with their lives and forget the events of the past.

But not Zeo. He kept blaming himself for everything that happened to Toby and how he was a fool to have trusted Ziggurat. He believed that if it wasn´t for him nothing would have happened.

It had taken some time for Toby to notice this. How Zeo suddenly didn´t act like Zeo anymore.

During the first tries of communication about it Zeo had managed to avoid with some excuse that he had to do something or be somewhere else.

Toby came to consider telling Masamune and the others but they probably had noticed before and trying to force Zeo to talk with a large number of people when he couldn´t talk to one could be bad for him.

The first time Zeo had wake up screaming Toby almost fell of the bed. He ran to his room and saw no one in the bed.

Peering through the door of the bathroom that had been left open he could see Zeo bent over the sink. The water was running but he wasn´t washing his face or his hands. No he was…

"No! Zeo!" Toby pulled Zeo head out of the sink filled with water.

Zeo coughed as he was dragged back to his room and was forced to sit on the bed.

Grabbing a towel Toby began to dry him off "What the hell were you trying to do? Drowning yourself on the sink?"

Some might have thought he was overreacting but Toby was sure that what he saw wasn´t Zeo just dipping his head in the water.

Before pulling Zeo out he had seen the boy grabbing the sides of the sink roughly to keep himself bent and how his hand trembled as he suffocated underwater.

"I just…wanted…" Zeo began to talk between coughs "…to make sure I was awake."

Zeo was looking down, his bangs covering his eyes. Toby didn´t know what to say.

"_It´s okay, it was just a bad dream" "You were stupid never do that again" "Please talk to me"_

He choose to say none of them and rather move closer and put his arms around Zeo who was shaking and still had his hair wet.

Toby didn´t let Zeo escape from the embrace and eventually he gave up resisting the hug. It had been a long time since they had been this close physically. Whenever the two touch either by accident or by Toby intention Zeo would flinch and apologize.

Neither slept that night; both stayed that way until the sun came shining over both. There had been a time where Zeo had start crying while burying his face on Toby neck. He mumbled something between sobs that even in the silence of the room could hardly be heard.

"I´m sorry. So sorry."

Toby came to realize that Zeo still carry the guilt of everything. When Zeo would wake up from one of his nightmares, after calming him down he would remind him that he didn´t blame him, that he would never hate him.

That seemed to have no effect on Zeo.

During the day, when he could "corner" Zeo to have a conversation with him he would try to convince him to find help.

"Zeo, you are not okay."

"Yes, I am."

"No, you´re not. Your mind and health are breaking. You rarely eat or sleep."

Anyone with eyes could see that Zeo had changed a lot not only on his behavior but also his appearance. He had become more pale and skin. There were dark circles under his eyes from the sleepless nights.

"I have to go." Once again Zeo was running away.

Toby grabbed his wrist.

"Zeo." He looked to his friend who refused to look back at him. "I´m worried for you. I want to help. But you have to let me."

"I DIDN´T ASK FOR YOUR HELP."

Toby startled as Zeo aggressively shove his hand away.

A moment of silence before Zeo turned around, his eyes with tears forming in them.

"I´m sorry I didn´t want to scream."

"It´s okay." Toby walked forward to hug him as a sign of his forgiveness but Zeo step back.

Toby didn´t give up and brought a hand to Zeo cheek.

"I´m not going to give up on you, you understand." He used all his strength to avoid crying. "I will make you go back to being Zeo. The Zeo that I know and is my friend.

Zeo left hand cupped Toby one and melt into its touch. His other hand moved to reach a strand of Zeo grey hair and caress it between his fingers.

He lean and kiss the strand. Toby, copying his gesture, moved to kiss Zeo forehead.

Just like their hug that night they stay like this for hours; both knew that they desired that.

And right now Toby watched as Zeo once again tried to pick his pieces up.

After two months nothing had changed. Everyone at the Dungeon talked with Toby about getting Zeo physiological help but he said that Zeo wasn´t ready yet to open himself and they had to give him time.

But he was sick of waiting.

"Zeo." Toby touched his arm. "Look at me."

Zeo didn´t move but Toby didn´t give up.

"Please, look… at me."

Toby voiced changed, Zeo noticed that. He lifted his head and saw before him Toby crying.

It was the first time in those two awful months that Toby had cried at all. He had tried to be strong even if he had to bite his tongue to hold his will to cry.

"Remember that I said I wasn´t going to give up on you." He tried to speak between sobs. "I will never give up on you but I don´t know how longer I can keep being strong for both of us."

Zeo completely paralyzed. He had been selfish.

He had let guilt take over him, rip his mind apart and haunt him every day. But he never once thought about Toby. That´s a lie because he always thought of Toby but he only thought about the bad things that he did in the past; he didn´t realize he was pushing Toby to his limit.

Toby clean his tears "I´m sorry, I didn´t want to cry."

All of the sudden he was grabbed by two arms who pulled him closer; his face was now on Zeo shoulder.

"Zeo…"

"It´s okay. You can stop trying to be strong all the time. Cry all you want."

With those words Toby eyes filled again with tears and he cried once more. But this time it wasn´t so hold back. He broke down crying, clutching Zeo shirt, his sobs the only sound in that room.

He cried for two hours, always holding to Zeo.

"Toby."

The boy removed his head from Zeo shoulder to gaze his friend.

"I´m going to let you help me. For both of us."

Toby smile once he heard. It had been a long time since he had smile like that.

It took three months for Zeo to finally show signs of recovering.

Opening himself to Toby was the first thing; the second was telling the others, which was the hardest part, but his friends show support and became an important part of him getting better.

Trying to get him to go see a psychologist was also hard so they waited until he felt comfortable enough.

He was diagnosed with depression and post-traumatic stress disorder but with professional help and a good environment he could manage to recover.

During this three months Toby had stay by his side.

The two started to sleep on the same bed; Zeo felt safety and comfort in Toby embrace.

He laid his head in his chest and listen to his heartbeat, assuring him that Toby was right there and he was real.

After two months the nightmare stopped but Toby still slept with him in the same bed.

He loved how Zeo hold him tight, placing kisses on his face. In response Toby smiled and kissed his lips.


End file.
